sometimes i can't even begin to comprehend the logic of my school or the schooling system in general. but mostly my school. the importance of such petty things is absolutely mindboggling to me.

JUST A FACT: WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.
think of it as reassuring.

today we were all briefly told about our school references and how participation in carnivals/school events is a must if you want a good reference. unfortunately my interests do not extend to the sporting or competative realm, so i guess i'm destined for a life of unemployment. lol but seriously, it got me thinking. did i make the right choice? should i have opened up a little during my school years and tried to make more friends/find the confidence to participate enthusiastically? maybe if i joined the group who loved being apart of their environment, it would have rubbed off on me. i'm honestly not sure. i do see the value in participation but what is the boundry between laziness and genuine dislike? i've tried running and jumping but it's not for me. i've tried absailing and rock climbing but it's not for me. i've tried reading books and going to gigs and that is for me. but do we have to do the things we don't like?

i like who i am. however it seems my inability to participate in a SWIMMING CARNIVAL (honestly, who even cares besides those few kids who seem to be a dolphin/ian thorpe hybrid)or organising a dance party has made my teachers short sighted in their perception of me. not to praise myself but (lol) i think i'm a good student, i do my homework, i scribe, i'm willing to help students who need it and i gave blood. i guess i view school events to be petty and unimportant. hopefully this doesn't bite me in the ass though. imagine, someone not wanting to marry me or something because i didn't participate in a swimming event when i was 14. what a world.


it's been a pretty lousy week all up. i'm really aggrivated with my social situation but i finally feel like i've had the incentive to do something about it. no-one calls me a fat slag and gets away with it ;D